| Recent Entries |
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Ouch!
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Oct. 26th, 2005 @ 10:31 pm
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I have this weird pain...
I am kinda scared of it.
I dont wanna ask questions...
Scarieness.
<3<3 Sara |
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I have found that there is a certain need that I need to have filled.
Perhaps it is from the Negelect I was given by Chris. I think there was an entry a few months back there I was complain about how frustrated I was.
Things are better now though.
Alot better.
<3 Sara |
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If you are here...then you maybe one of my friends from myspace. Hello and welcome.
There are just a few that i have unlocked but there will be more later... i just have to go through them and change more of them...
If you want to see the rest of them...and you have a livejournal account...well then add me and i let you read my Drama.
<3 Sara |
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Yes i am here once again in live journal land. Where have i been? I know that is what you are asking...i have beomce a slave to everyday activites...like college...and homework...and the evil thing known as myspace has taken over my life.
There are new things...
Both good and bad since i have been missing.
None are to be mentioned at the time being.
More to come.
<3 Sara |
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Why is it that i have been away from livejournal so long? I use to write in it like everyday...it was almost like an addiction...and now i havent written in it for months and months.
I have failed my math class again...
and for some reason chris is starting to come back around after he broke up with me... i dont really know what is going through his head and i dont know if i really wanna know. It is all a confusing subject...a very confusing subject...one day he was just here playing games with me and talking to me like if we were old buddies. So now we are friends...but i get some really weird vibes from him... i am not quite sure what it is that he wants.
There is this guy at school that likes me and i call him slayer dude...cause he loves Slayer but anyway...i think that he is the reason that i have been able to keep a straight head about all of this... i know that i dont really like him but when chris is around i think it helps me becuase i realize that there are other people that like me and i have no reason to run back to chris's arms after what he did to me. I mean i want to run to his arms but i dont want to get hurt again...
I was very uncomfortable with him last night for some reason... i felt so out of place....
<3 Sara |
| » I'm not dead! |
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Hey...im not dead....
There really just hasnt been any drama since chris left me...
Actually i think there could be some comming soon
Dealing with my mom becuase she is insane
and dealing with this boy because my mom doesnt like him...
its the story of my life...
SAra
May. 11th, 2005 @ 10:38 am
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Sara is a Sad girl.....
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And her mom is completely Insane.
Apr. 13th, 2005 @ 08:26 am
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| » poop. |
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Last night my mom was talking to him...
and he said that he misses me
but not as much as he thought he would.
For some reason that hurts my feelings.
Job interview today.
I have to write a paper too
Sara
60 plus water.
Apr. 7th, 2005 @ 09:00 am
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| » Ugh! |
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I have a job interveiw tommrow....
If i get the job then i will be working at a place...
Where i will have to see Veronica and Chris all the time...
OH HOW IRONIC!!
Apr. 6th, 2005 @ 08:55 am
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| » Dangit! |
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I was doing fine last night....well all of yesterday i was doing fine...until it came tobe ten o'clock and all my friends went home...and i was all alone laying in my room....
I started to cry...
I tryed to call everyone on my contacts list in my cell phone but for some reason no one wanted to answer. so i went all crazy and started to cry because my greatest fear in life is being alone...and it seemed like i was all alone.
I finally got some one on the phone to talk to and they calmed me down. Then some friends ended up comming over and hanging out right after i got off the phone...but just came over and i wasnt even expecting them so i was in my PJ's. They stayed until i was really tried and i wanted to go to sleep.
My parents are making me eat and i just dont feel like it right now... my stomach is in knots and if i try to eat anything i get so full i have to throw up...so now everyone is bringing food and stuff but i just cant eat it...
I havent eaten since thrusday at lunch...
Some how my mom found that out and she has been shoving food in my face all day now and just the smell of it makes me want to vomit...
I know that if i give myself a few days that things will probably get better...i hope. I know that i need to eat but i have been drinking plenty of water so...yeah...
And its not like i dont want to eat...I want to...its just that i feel sick all the time.
I miss chris and i think that he misses me....
I saw him drive by my house last night all slow and stuff...
I know all these people that are married to Roy men...(Chris is Chris Roy) And every one tells me that it is for the best to get away from them...they said that all of their relationships were like mine and chris and after a while they all became abusive and the women are now trapped with them and there is no way to get away. They have a histroy of abusive and physcotic behavior...and they all say that the already see alot of it in chris. I am happy that they told me this already...you know right now....
It wasnt just one woman it was 4 of them...
So i mean there has to be something there right?
They tell me to take their warning but them they also tell me to follow my heart and do what i think is right...
I dont think i know what i think is right anymore.
Much love
Sara
Apr. 4th, 2005 @ 09:13 am
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| » An e-mail to a friend...which sums it up. |
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Although it has only been a full day that since he broke up with me i already starting to feel better. My eyes are starting to open and i am realizing things that i should have realized along time ago. I guess it just takes time away from the person to realize what they were actually doing. It was all bullshit but i beilived and still beilive that i was in love with him. I was blinding by my feelings for him and i didnt really see what he was doing and how fucked up everything was.
Now that i am looking back i see that i should have seen this comming from a mile away. It was getting to the point where he didnt even want to kiss me anymore...but at the time i was just blocking it out of my head. I also realized that he didnt even want to hold my hand anymore...she i would try he would make a fist...i blocked that out too...he hadnt been telling me he loved me for a while now and that was blocked out too...I guess i was able to block it out because i assumed that he felt it too and he didnt have to say it. I guess that was just some shit i made up to protect myself and what not...
I wish i could have seen it alot earlier. I would have saved myself alot of drama and tears from the whole situation.
So he left me for a girl that doesnt even want him... i feel sorry for him and i really dont understand his whole reasoning. Last night i was wondering why this whole thing didnt make sense and the only thing i could think about is he probably already has another girl lined up and you know...was just using an excuse.
Fuck that other girl if he has one. She isnt going to be as good to him as it was to me. I would pay for everything and cook him food and spoil him...and i also feel sorry for that girl that the same time (if there is another one) Becuase she does not know what kinda bullshit she is going to be getting herself into. He never has money..so you have to pay for everything. He never wants to go out but stay at home and play video games. He doesnt like to give people gifts so you are lucky if you get a present on your birthday...
But of coruse he was very loving and caring in the begining....And i miss him because of that....He cares alot...
And that sad thing is that if he were to come back to me now i would take him back...because he was my best friends and i miss all the little things that he would do...and i miss all the little silly things that we would do together...and all the silly games we would play....
But most of all i miss talking to him about my feelings because he seemed to always understand. He had a certain way of comforting me that no one else has. So i dont know who to run to now that he is gone. I was with him for 2 years...and he was always there when i needed something and now he is gone...and i am lost because i do not know where to turn now that he is gone...
Yeah i really miss him.
I just dont want to be at home cause this house reminds me of him.
Sara
Apr. 3rd, 2005 @ 10:54 am
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I Love all Of You.
If You love me back call me and tell me so...
cause i really need it right now....
Home: 584-2760
Cell: 459-9218..
Apr. 2nd, 2005 @ 12:01 pm
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| » Eh hem |
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I Just saw the girl that chris has a crush on...and she has the ugliest blonde highlights. I have highlights right now but they are red.
So i am going to go home and dye my hair black again.
Because we all know that Chris loves Burnettes.
I know this wont change anything but it will make me feel better about myself.
with all the love in the world
Sara
Oh yeah right now i am skipping class...
Like i always do.
Mar. 30th, 2005 @ 10:58 am
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| » Bitches! |
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Comment to be added.
Mar. 29th, 2005 @ 06:56 pm
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| » Long and awaited |
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Yes it has been ages. I know. Things have been bad. Really bad. Still kinda bad but i dont want to get into it.
You are not suppose to tell your girlfriend that you want to start a relationship with some one else...because the other person has a boyfriend too...UGH
But i need to stop thinking aobut that...
That was in the past adn i think i forced him to say that some way.
My spring break was okay, i didnt do anyhting. But i had some time away from chris which was a good thing. He went to go and visit his parents after the giant fight we had the other day...not really the other day but a couple of weeks ago.
I am glad he went... i was getting to the point where i couldnt look at him...That mother fucker! Everything seems to be normal now and i hate that bitch more then ever.
I made up a lie and said that i was over reacting...but i wasnt. He said he forgives me for overeacting...and i think he knows that i wasnt at all. There is something about his type of person that i cant stand...or maybe it is men in general. They never really understand what they are doing wrong...when you tell them what they are doing to upset you they tell you that it is no reason to get upset or they say that they still dont understand how it is wrong. That is total crap and i hate it.
So now he is back and i am back...and we are falling into the same rut again...like we have so many times over and over again. Inside i feel like i am begining not to care anymore, but every time i think that something happens and i end up caring again.
Damn this heart of mine.
Chris got me a game boy as a i guess " I'm sorry gift" He plays with it more then i do though...We are going back to school and i know it is going to he horrible. Something is going to happen to make me mad...and i know this is what chris wants me to do so i am going to do it...i am going to try to hold in all my feelings for whatever is making me mad....i know this isnt a good thing but i guess that chris doesnt know that...he will see all the mess his solution will make.
I think i have a better solution for all of this...just stay away from the stupid bitch. If he is away from her then i have no reason to get mad now do i? He doesnt seem to understand that... i want him to stay away and he doesnt want to stay away...
You would think that if he really liked me he would be able to stay away becuase i asked him tooo...that brings up so many questions that i dont even want to get into it.
I know that things are going to fall apart eventually. I think i am just going to prolong it becuase i am selfish and i want him all to myself... i know this is going to cause me more pain in the end but i dont think that i can stop it.
I think it is some for of self destuction that i am messing with right now...one that doesnt leave scars for other people that see and judge...but one that leaves scars on me mentaly so that only i can see them and reopen them again and again.
Hmm i wonder if that makes sense to anyone else. I think i am purposely putting myself through pain becuase i am trying not to hurt myself in phsyically...hmmmm.
Oh well
We go back to school on monday and there are so many things that i have to do that i havent even started. I need to get on the ball...
School is almost over so i got that going for me right?
With all the love in the world
Sara
Mar. 20th, 2005 @ 12:13 pm
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There are days that just arent your days.
I feel like that is going to be my whole week.
I feel like i cried a billion tears yesterday
and to my surprise i think i could cry a billion more today.
Things arent good.
I think we are reaching a breaking point
a point that i personally am not ready to reach.
I got a gaint bunny and an eye patch.
Then came the crying again.
Poop on all
Mar. 5th, 2005 @ 11:20 am
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I Want to be A pirate...
I went to this site Today and i loved it...
Go there okay?
deadmentellnotales.com
Feb. 24th, 2005 @ 02:19 pm
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Here's a new Layout...cuase i totally love Han Solo.
Sara
Feb. 23rd, 2005 @ 10:37 pm
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ukilledmyhope's journal
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